Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Listening to: Nobody's home by Avril Lavigne


Changed my blog template at last, think this pretty much describes my mood now. I feel so god-damn frustrated, I just wanna drown in booze or just let it all out in a scream. Today's only the second day I started classes at MDIS, and I already feel so fucked up. I wonder if things would be better if I never existed in the first place. Perhaps God made a mistake by putting me here on earth, cos everything I do always seem like a big stupid move.

I made tons of great frens in class, and the lecturers were real nice, albeit the constant flow of spastic jokes. Then yesterday my family was thrown in chaos when my mom and dad had the biggest quarrel, and the best part of it? I think it was all my fault. No,I'm not trying to go all heroic on this and take the whole blame, but it was literally my fault. I made my mom pissed at me for making to much noise when I was cooking dinner, she grounded me from eating.

Out of the blue, dad suddenly yelled so loud at her, and shoved her away. His eyes, i remembered were wild, almost to the extent of getting aggresive and hysterical. After much yelling, he lost his temper and broke one of the wooden stools. Not the flimsy type, but the one that had actually thinck layer of solid wood. I was so scared I just stood there in a daze, sobbing like a damn moron. If it wasn't because of me, this wouldnt have happened.

And because of that, I didn't really concentrate on the Marketing Management lesson today. I feel so guilty, I think I'll stay away from everyone for the time being to spare them from any misfortune.

"She's lost inside...."

I'm so tired...

Who needs love?